I really hate to be told that I *should* feel a certain way or believe something that can't be proven and doesn't seem right to me.

All of my life I have had people around me, including family members who were supposed to love and support me, who indicated to me that what I think and feel doesn't matter, and that I should either agree with them or shut up.

It caused me to feel isolated and alone. I didn't feel like I could trust anyone. I didn't feel loved or appreciated. It made me feel like I was basically nothing, and that if there was anything of me of any significance, it was somehow invisible, even to me.

I sometimes wondered why I couldn't talk freely about what I thought and felt like other people do. When I was young, I actually worried that maybe I wasn't a whole person, that maybe part of me was missing and that I was just blank.

Later I realized that I had repressed and hidden everything because I was so afraid, and this caused my personal development to be stunted. I became a stranger even to myself. I didn't know who I was, what I liked, what I believed. I had only a few interests, and I couldn't talk about them in depth with anyone.