Monday, August 29, 2016


All They Care About Is Sex

Brandon and Brittany are two heterosexuals who meet at the Laundromat in a shady part of town. Brandon and Brittany live in a bad neighborhood because it’s all they can afford. Neither have held a job for more than six months because all they care about is sex.

They have sex in front of the washing machines without regard to the discomfort they cause other customers because all they care about is sex. They are in their early twenties, but both have had hundreds of sex partners. They’re young bodies have been ravaged by all the STDs they’ve contracted. Both Brandon and Brittany were introduced to the heterosexual lifestyle choice at a young age by older heterosexual predators.

Brittany invites Brandon back to her sad, sparsely furnished, run down studio apartment so they can have more sex. On the way, they deliberately run over a developmentally disabled kid because they’re evil. All they care about is sex. They laugh manically as they speed from the scene.

Once they get to Brittany’s apartment building, they’re too overwhelmed by their sexual addiction to bother going inside. So they have sex on top of the car’s hood right there in the parking lot. They don’t bother covering up when they’re finished because all they care about is sex. As they catch their breath, they stand there exposed and talked about recruiting kids into the heterosexual lifestyle choice and other ways to destroy civilization.

Just then, a limo pulls up beside them. Inside is a representative of the well funded heterosexual lobby. He informs the kids which Republican candidates can be counted on to further the heterosexual agenda.

Brandon and Brittany watch the news later and learn hundreds of birds mysteriously died in the next county over, and a tornado destroyed a nearby trailer park. Once again, Brandon and Brittany laugh manically because they know God did these things because he is angry about their heterosexual sex.

Brandon and Brittany break up after having sex one last time because all they care about is sex. They’re genitalia will be deformed and will no longer function by the time they’re 40, and they’ll be dead by the time they’re 45 because heterosexuals don’t live very long.

Jeremy Irvine

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