Boy Erased, a few thoughts

There are no perfect people in Garrard Conley’s Boy Erased: A Memoir. We learn that Garrard unceremoniously and without explanation dropped his longtime girlfriend when they were seniors in high school. When Garrard’s parents found out he’s gay, he was given an ultimatum: he can never act on his feelings for men, or his parents will stop paying for college. In the summer of 2004, after his freshman year, Garrard’s parents enrolled him in an intensive two-week “ex-gay” program. It did not go well.

Faith-based “ex-gay therapy” became a thing in the 1970s after the medical establishment decided homosexuality wasn’t a disease after all. Many fundamentalists and evangelicals didn’t like this turn of events—how could queers not be sick?—so “ex-gay therapy” was born. Since it is not a proper therapy sanctioned and administered by trained professionals, there are no established peer reviewed parameters and protocols, but if you hear enough stories, including Garrard Conley’s, you’ll notice some common themes. Being gay is often equated with addiction, a sinful addiction. It is supposedly caused by abuse and the withholding of affection by the same-sex parent. Those who refuse to believe this and can’t find a way to make their personal stories align with the mythology are told they are rebelling against all that is holy and inviting evil into their hearts and lives. Of course, there is no scientific evidence to support these claims. It is all complete and utter horseshit, and pushing these toxic ideas on a vulnerable person can result in anxiety, depression and self-loathing.

So why would an intelligent person with a bright future allow himself to be subjected to such torture? Why would loving parents foist such shady quackery on their kid? Why would any decent person, including some LGBTs, become the purveyors of ex-gay therapy? Garrard Conley’s book does an excellent job of giving us some insight.

The short answer is fundamentalism. You can be terribly self-critical if you’re a fundamentalist, and if you’re LGBT, you’re encouraged to be ruthless with yourself. You can get away with being judgmental if you’re a fundamentalist, especially if you claim your cruelty is couched in Christian love. But what you can’t do if you’re a fundamentalist is question fundamentalism itself. You have been trained to think that to question basic beliefs and assumptions is to question God. Horrible things might happen to you, and you might end up going to hell. Hell is not a metaphor in fundie land.

Garrard’s parents did send him to the family doctor when they learned their son was gay. She spoke to Garrard in private and explained to him there was nothing medically wrong with him. She told him that she knew it would be difficult to live as an openly gay man in rural Arkansas, but she explained he had the option of moving to an LGBT-friendly city.

But if you’re a teenager, the thought of leaving your family and friends and everything that’s familiar can be rather daunting, especially if you’ve internalized some of the things you’ve been taught since early childhood, stuff about the evils you will supposedly encounter outside the insular fundamentalist church world.

Boy Erased: A Memoir by Garrard Conley, I recommend it.