Family

This is me in high school making a funny face at my sister. I never thought of myself as straight, and I never tried to be straight, but I was terrified of anyone finding out that I liked boys. I avoided the topic of sex. If the people around me started discussing sex, I would clam up. If asked about sex, I would give vague, noncommittal answers. I’m sure a lot of people suspected, and I was bullied and some were rude to me--I never really fit in--but I didn’t come out in high school. In the early ’80s, that was very rare, especially in West Virginia. When I was growing up, I never met a single person who was out. Not one.

Things changed when I went to WVU in Morgantown. I was away from home and WVU was a large school--over 20,000 students. When I was living in Oak Hill, I couldn’t go anywhere without running into someone who knew who I was. I felt observed in Oak Hill. But in Morgantown, I was anonymous. That gave me the freedom to start looking for a community within a couple of weeks after I arrived.

I went to a service at a local MCC. I attended GLM meetings, Gay and Lesbian Mountaineers. I joined a support group for gay students at the counseling center. I went to the gay bar. I met gay people and became friends with a number of them.

But even though Morgantown was the most liberal place in West Virginia, most were still not out in a general sense. We were out to each other at WVU, but we usually didn’t reveal ourselves to straight people. It was like belonging to a secret society. We referred to each other as “family.” Knowing someone was “family” meant you could be open. “Is she family?” “Don’t worry, he’s family.”