When I was growing up, I heard people quote the Bible in a grandiose, authoritative way. Those who did that meant to shut down anyone who disagreed with them. They were quoting Scripture, and that supposedly meant they were speaking for God. It was an easy way to claim the moral high ground, and the implication was that you had better agree or you would be punished. I always hated it when people did that. It seemed like cheating. It didn’t help that I was around some of those people when they weren’t Scripture quoting, and I knew they weren’t really any more moral than anyone else. In fact, on occasion, I saw them being selfish and thoughtless, even cruel.
Well, I grew up, and now I have some opinions of my own. One is I don’t believe in inerrant bibles. I also don’t believe in the ability of humans to read something and always get the meaning right. I think in many instances there is no one single way to read something. I’m also not sure there is a god, and if there is, I’m pretty sure I don’t speak for this god…no matter what or who I quote. I sometimes voice my opinions, but I don’t claim any kind of special authority. My opinions are just my opinions. So what will happen to those who disagree with me? Nothing as far as I know.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
My hope has a youthful face.
When I was 16, I entered into a period of sustained optimism that lasted for about four years. Up until then, I had been a lonely, scared, confused kid, and since the age of 11 when I realized I was gay, I had a huge secret. But I was getting older, and I knew that graduation was approaching. I would soon be free to leave my hometown of Oak Hill, West Virginia, and I found out that I could go to college even though I didn’t have any money of my own. All I had to do was make relatively good grades and apply for financial aid. My short term goal was set. It was reasonable, and I was able to gather all the practical information I needed to make it happen.
I began to imagine that my adult life would be brighter and happier than my childhood. I imagined that I would find friends who would accept me for who I am. I imagined I wouldn’t have to keep secrets from them. I thought it was likely that I would meet others like myself. I thought I could eventually get a decent job and live a comfortable middle class life. I looked forward to traveling and seeing the world.
That first semester at WVU was frightening for me. Living in a dorm with a bunch of rowdy young people drunk on their newfound independence made me nervous. Sharing a bathroom with a bunch of boys made me very nervous. And I worried that I might not be smart enough for college. There were a number of nights when I didn’t sleep at all. But I found out that I loved my classes, and I started making very good grades. I also made several friends. And I met some gay people, too. That was a monumental event. I was no longer alone. I even had sex with a few boys.
But I was still socially awkward. I still felt uncomfortable around people for the most part. A change in venue hadn’t remedied that. And after a couple of years, I began thinking about how my college career would eventually come to an end. I worried that I didn’t have the ability to find and hold a good job. Working meant talking to people, getting along with people, being comfortable around people. I couldn’t imagine myself getting to that point. And the pain, the fear and the confusion of my earlier years haunted me, too. Anger and rage came to the surface, and the anxiety, the mood swings and the flashbacks wore me out. Soon I was taking medication for depression, and not long after that, I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation for the first time.
That period of optimism came to an end, but that hopeful young man was never completely obliterated. I think he’s still inside of me, still a part of who I am. When I admire the beauty of a young man who is just starting out—his broad smile, his happiness, his bright eyes, his fit, lean, capable body that does not hurt or tire so easily—I think I am to some degree admiring a physical manifestation of that beautiful, youthful, naïve but wise hope that once gave me the courage to seek a better life for myself.
I began to imagine that my adult life would be brighter and happier than my childhood. I imagined that I would find friends who would accept me for who I am. I imagined I wouldn’t have to keep secrets from them. I thought it was likely that I would meet others like myself. I thought I could eventually get a decent job and live a comfortable middle class life. I looked forward to traveling and seeing the world.
That first semester at WVU was frightening for me. Living in a dorm with a bunch of rowdy young people drunk on their newfound independence made me nervous. Sharing a bathroom with a bunch of boys made me very nervous. And I worried that I might not be smart enough for college. There were a number of nights when I didn’t sleep at all. But I found out that I loved my classes, and I started making very good grades. I also made several friends. And I met some gay people, too. That was a monumental event. I was no longer alone. I even had sex with a few boys.
But I was still socially awkward. I still felt uncomfortable around people for the most part. A change in venue hadn’t remedied that. And after a couple of years, I began thinking about how my college career would eventually come to an end. I worried that I didn’t have the ability to find and hold a good job. Working meant talking to people, getting along with people, being comfortable around people. I couldn’t imagine myself getting to that point. And the pain, the fear and the confusion of my earlier years haunted me, too. Anger and rage came to the surface, and the anxiety, the mood swings and the flashbacks wore me out. Soon I was taking medication for depression, and not long after that, I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation for the first time.
That period of optimism came to an end, but that hopeful young man was never completely obliterated. I think he’s still inside of me, still a part of who I am. When I admire the beauty of a young man who is just starting out—his broad smile, his happiness, his bright eyes, his fit, lean, capable body that does not hurt or tire so easily—I think I am to some degree admiring a physical manifestation of that beautiful, youthful, naïve but wise hope that once gave me the courage to seek a better life for myself.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Oberon's Page by Gary Cottle
Oberon’s Page is the story of a man who never wanted to be a hero or an outlaw. Chris Richman likes to lie low and blend in. He has a tendency to wear masks—schoolteacher, husband, father. He has led a conventional, respectable life, but Chris Richman isn’t who he pretends to be, and when he meets a beautiful young man named Ethan, he discovers that his heart is still capable of longing. When Ethan reveals he is in trouble and needs Chris’s help, Chris must decide if he is willing to face the risk of scorn, ridicule and prison in order to rescue his beloved Ethan.
Now available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords.
If you're a reader and this story sounds appealing to you, please consider downloading this book.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Oberon's Page by Gary Cottle
Now available at Amazon and Smashwords.
Soon to be available at Apple iBookstore, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Sony, Flipkart, Oyster, Baker & Taylor, and the Diesel eBook Store.
Oberon’s Page is the story of a man who never wanted to be a hero or an outlaw. Chris Richman likes to lie low and blend in. He has a tendency to wear masks—schoolteacher, husband, father. He has led a conventional, respectable life, but Chris Richman isn’t who he pretends to be, and when he meets a beautiful young man named Ethan, he discovers that his heart is still capable of longing. When Ethan reveals he is in trouble and needs Chris’s help, Chris must decide if he is willing to face the risk of scorn, ridicule and prison in order to rescue his beloved Ethan.
Soon to be available at Apple iBookstore, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Sony, Flipkart, Oyster, Baker & Taylor, and the Diesel eBook Store.
Oberon’s Page is the story of a man who never wanted to be a hero or an outlaw. Chris Richman likes to lie low and blend in. He has a tendency to wear masks—schoolteacher, husband, father. He has led a conventional, respectable life, but Chris Richman isn’t who he pretends to be, and when he meets a beautiful young man named Ethan, he discovers that his heart is still capable of longing. When Ethan reveals he is in trouble and needs Chris’s help, Chris must decide if he is willing to face the risk of scorn, ridicule and prison in order to rescue his beloved Ethan.
Special People
The world we live in can be a horrible, terrifying place. All around us every day there is senseless violence, cruelty and death. Murder is common. Accidents and deadly viruses are common. We’re familiar with friends suddenly and unexpectedly dying, with children and adults being bullied and belittled, with fires that burn down homes and with ticks that bite us and give us Lyme disease. And there always seems to be a war going on somewhere. In such a world it’s easy to simply turn our backs, to harden ourselves to the harsh realities, to become indifference to the suffering of others. I think most of us do that to some degree now and then, and who can blame us?
But there are special people who don’t look away. They watch, they take it in and they don’t want to forget. They also find ways to gently remind us of what’s going on without coming across as self-righteous or judgmental. And the truly remarkable thing is they’re able to do this while remaining optimistic and enthusiastic about life. The suffering they’ve seen and experienced hasn’t made them mean or bitter. Instead, they’ve grown more patient and loving. They also greatly appreciate all the things in life that aren’t horrible and terrifying, and they’re quick to remind us of those things, too.
I am in awe of such people. I wish I knew how to follow their example because I think they’ve found the right balance. If there’s such a thing as enlightenment, I think those people have achieved it whether or not they call what they do religion or claim to believe in a higher power.
But there are special people who don’t look away. They watch, they take it in and they don’t want to forget. They also find ways to gently remind us of what’s going on without coming across as self-righteous or judgmental. And the truly remarkable thing is they’re able to do this while remaining optimistic and enthusiastic about life. The suffering they’ve seen and experienced hasn’t made them mean or bitter. Instead, they’ve grown more patient and loving. They also greatly appreciate all the things in life that aren’t horrible and terrifying, and they’re quick to remind us of those things, too.
I am in awe of such people. I wish I knew how to follow their example because I think they’ve found the right balance. If there’s such a thing as enlightenment, I think those people have achieved it whether or not they call what they do religion or claim to believe in a higher power.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Oberon's Page by Gary Cottle
Now available at Amazon and Smashwords.
Soon to be available at Apple iBookstore, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Sony, Flipkart, Oyster, Baker & Taylor, and the Diesel eBook Store.
Oberon’s Page is the story of a man who never wanted to be a hero or an outlaw. Chris Richman likes to lie low and blend in. He has a tendency to wear masks—schoolteacher, husband, father. He has led a conventional, respectable life, but Chris Richman isn’t who he pretends to be, and when he meets a beautiful young man named Ethan, he discovers that his heart is still capable of longing. When Ethan reveals he is in trouble and needs Chris’s help, Chris must decide if he is willing to face the risk of scorn, ridicule and prison in order to rescue his beloved Ethan.
Soon to be available at Apple iBookstore, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Sony, Flipkart, Oyster, Baker & Taylor, and the Diesel eBook Store.
Oberon’s Page is the story of a man who never wanted to be a hero or an outlaw. Chris Richman likes to lie low and blend in. He has a tendency to wear masks—schoolteacher, husband, father. He has led a conventional, respectable life, but Chris Richman isn’t who he pretends to be, and when he meets a beautiful young man named Ethan, he discovers that his heart is still capable of longing. When Ethan reveals he is in trouble and needs Chris’s help, Chris must decide if he is willing to face the risk of scorn, ridicule and prison in order to rescue his beloved Ethan.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Oberon's Page by Gary Cottle
Now available at Amazon and Smashwords.
Oberon’s Page is the story of a man who never wanted to be a hero or an outlaw. Chris Richman likes to lie low and blend in. He has a tendency to wear masks—schoolteacher, husband, father. He has led a conventional, respectable life, but Chris Richman isn’t who he pretends to be, and when he meets a beautiful young man named Ethan, he discovers that his heart is still capable of longing. When Ethan reveals he is in trouble and needs Chris’s help, Chris must decide if he is willing to face the risk of scorn, ridicule and prison in order to rescue his beloved Ethan.
Oberon’s Page is the story of a man who never wanted to be a hero or an outlaw. Chris Richman likes to lie low and blend in. He has a tendency to wear masks—schoolteacher, husband, father. He has led a conventional, respectable life, but Chris Richman isn’t who he pretends to be, and when he meets a beautiful young man named Ethan, he discovers that his heart is still capable of longing. When Ethan reveals he is in trouble and needs Chris’s help, Chris must decide if he is willing to face the risk of scorn, ridicule and prison in order to rescue his beloved Ethan.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Oberon's Page by Gary Cottle
Now available at Amazon and Smashwords.
Oberon’s Page is the story of a man who never wanted to be a hero or an outlaw. Chris Richman likes to lie low and blend in. He has a tendency to wear masks—schoolteacher, husband, father. He has led a conventional, respectable life, but Chris Richman isn’t who he pretends to be, and when he meets a beautiful young man named Ethan, he discovers that his heart is still capable of longing. When Ethan reveals he is in trouble and needs Chris’s help, Chris must decide if he is willing to face the risk of scorn, ridicule and prison in order to rescue his beloved Ethan.
Oberon’s Page is the story of a man who never wanted to be a hero or an outlaw. Chris Richman likes to lie low and blend in. He has a tendency to wear masks—schoolteacher, husband, father. He has led a conventional, respectable life, but Chris Richman isn’t who he pretends to be, and when he meets a beautiful young man named Ethan, he discovers that his heart is still capable of longing. When Ethan reveals he is in trouble and needs Chris’s help, Chris must decide if he is willing to face the risk of scorn, ridicule and prison in order to rescue his beloved Ethan.
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