I'm Afraid

I am a man, and I am afraid. I’m tired of being told I should be ashamed for admitting this and that my fears are of no or little consequence because I’m male. I’m afraid to leave my apartment alone after dark. I’m afraid in the daytime, too, but usually to a lesser extent. I don’t have a car, but if I did, I would be afraid to walk to it at night if it was parked in a deserted parking lot or parking garage. When I see pictures of people with semiautomatic guns in restaurants and stores, I’m afraid. I hope I never encounter that in person. Earlier today, a ran across a story of a man who discovered he had a brain tumor after being pistol whipped. I related to him because I, too, had a brain tumor. I also related to him because he was a victim of violence and he is a man. Thankfully, my brain tumor was discovered in time without me having to experience anything as traumatic as being pistol whipped. The world is not a safe place for any of us no matter if we’re male or female.

I was terribly afraid when I was a boy, especially while at school. Boys regularly got into fights. Threats and intimidation were common. Weaker boys were often abused daily for years. And everyone seemed to expect this and accepted it. The kids accepted it. The parents accepted it. The teachers accepted it. I’d say that less than 10% of the assaults and the threats of violence were reported, and that’s because everyone knew that usually nothing would be done and telling could very well make things worse if you were a victim.

We tell men and boys who are victims and those who are afraid of becoming victims that they should stop whining and “man up.” We tell them to learn how to fight and to defend themselves. We tell them that “real men” don’t ask for help. We tell them that “real men” aren’t afraid. We tell them that “real men” don’t allow themselves to become victims. But I don’t want to learn how to fight. I don’t want huge muscles. I don’t want to buy a gun. And I have no interest in pretending I’m a warrior or a cowboy.