I had a doctor’s appointment on Monday, and although the results of my blood tests were fantastic, I became highly anxious and agitated while walking over there. I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. I kept my head down and hoped no one would speak to me.
The nurse said my blood pressure was up. I wanted to tell her that my anxiety levels were quite high, but I was embarrassed. She might ask why, and what could I tell her? There was no rational reason why I felt so panicked.
Maybe I could have said that life for me is sometimes like the survivors on The Walking Dead. When I’m around people, I sometimes feel like I’m in danger. I fear that someone will notice me and… And what? I don’t know. I’m afraid something bad is going to happen. Something awful…dreadful, unimaginable.
The doctor made me wait almost two hours which certainly didn’t help matters. When he came in, I was tongue tied, and I had trouble formulating coherent sentences. By the time I was finished with the interview, my head hurt, my muscles were stiff, my neck was stiff, and all I wanted to do was get back to my apartment.
The experience left me feeling ugly, fat, stupid and worthless. I fought it off as best I could, but since Monday, that feeling was lingering there in the back of my mind. Then I saw this absurd image, and I laughed. I really laughed.
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