A Kindred Spirit

I watched Rachel, Rachel (1968) tonight. It stars Joanne Woodward and was directed by Paul Newman. Rachel is a shy, 35-year-old single school teacher who still lives with her mother in a small town. She has one friend, a fellow teacher named Calla played by Estelle Parsons. Early on, Calla invites Rachel to an evening church service. Rachel would rather not go, but she does anyway to make her friend happy. She thought she could sit and observe and go home to her mother after, but it turns out to be a charismatic church and at one point, the minister makes Rachel the center of attention. Rachel has a panic attack, but the crowd thinks she is filled with the spirit. Rachel flees, and Calla goes after her. When they’re alone in the dark, Rachel finally settles down and admits she is mortified because she believes she made a fool of herself. Calla comforts her, and then she begins kissing Rachel. Rachel is further traumatized, but the two women eventually reconcile.

I saw this film when I was a boy, but I couldn’t remember much about other than it made some kind of impression on me. I don’t remember the lesbian subplot at all. Maybe it didn’t register because I was so young or maybe they edited out for TV.

I related to Rachel. I think we’re a lot alike. In many ways, Rachel has a good life. She has her health, a home and a decent job, but she feels cut off and alone. She doesn’t feel safe in the world. She doesn’t fit in.
 
After a series of events that begins with the episode with Calla, Rachel decides that it is time for a change. She is ready for an adventure, so she transfers to a new school across country.
 
While on a bus headed toward her new life, Rachel admits to herself, “I will always be afraid, and maybe I’ll always be lonely.” She doesn’t say these things in defeat. After all, she found the nerve to finally move. Rachel is coming to terms with her condition and her lot in life, and she is going to make the most of it.