The Future Cult of Doctor Who

Imagine you wake up, and you’re 2000 years in the future. You’re amazed by all the new technology and how different people live. You’re also surprised by how some things have stayed the same. A few aspects of the culture simply mystify you. For instance, you discover most inhabitants of the earth are oddly devoted to and preoccupied with Star Wars, Star Trek, The X-Files and Doctor Who. Nearly everyone has one favorite, and many hold devotees of the other three in bitter contempt.

You are taken in by a family of Doctor Who lovers. They are especially enamored by the Tenth Doctor Who. You discover there are idealized images of David Tennant all over the house. During dinner, you’re asked if you ever met the Doctor. You admit that you never had the pleasure, but you proudly proclaim that a friend met one of the actors who played the Doctor. The little girl begins to cry. The teenage son smiles and says, “He’s not a believer. I told you it’s just bullshit.” The parents accuse you of leading their children astray. You are completely confused.

After dinner, you’re taken to an attic room where a Tardis figurine is on display atop a pedestal. You pick it up and tell the family how cool it is. The teenage son begins to laugh hysterically, the parents are horrified, and the little girl accuses you of being an incarnation of the Master. When you ask what you did wrong, the mother informs you that you touched the Tardis before being ceremoniously cleansed, and the father tells you that there was a time when you could have been put to death for such an offense. You put the Tardis back and ask for forgiveness.

The son asks, “It’s all a lie, isn’t it?”

You say, “Doctor Who? A lie?”

“Yeah,” says the son. “Made up bullshit.”

You say, “I wouldn’t say that. It meant something to a lot of people.”

The father asks, “So it’s the truth? It all happened just as it’s depicted in the sacred films?”

You say, “Well…”

You think to yourself these people are completely bonkers.