The Vicious Lie

I think the idea that gay = sin is destructive...as well as the idea that gay sex = sin or gay relationships = sin, but in saying that, I am not telling anyone how they should live their lives. I'm often not sure how I should live my own life much less how others should live theirs. If you abstain from sex or if you're celibate or if you embrace monogamy, that's your business. But I can't stand even the suggestion that gay = sin.

I haven't had sex in many years, and I don't see that changing in the near future. In fact, I may never have sex again. But the reasons are deeply personal. It has absolutely nothing to do with a belief that gay sex is sinful or inherently dangerous or wrong. I have trouble relaxing around other human beings, and a huge part of the reason I'm like that is because while I was a kid I was beaten over the head with the idea that my kind of attraction is sick, diseased, nasty, funny, strange, weird, wrong and sinful. Growing up in a society that strongly advocated those beliefs made the world seem like a dangerous place for me, and even now, I can't shake the feeling that I'm about to be attacked. I think the idea that a god doesn't like people like me is disturbing and hurtful, and I just don't want to hear that crap anymore.

 

I'm perfectly fine with being gay. I have always loved my feelings for my own sex right from the start. They made me feel alive, and I appreciated how the most boring day could become exciting the moment I spotted a cute boy. It was fun! But I couldn't be honest with those around me because the culture I grew up in was steeped in homophobic bullshit. As a result, I ended up with PTSD. You can't just turn that off. You have to learn to live with it and accommodate it. I have done that, and I have survived. But it pisses me off that some still spread the bullshit. And it really pisses me off when I hear LGBT people spreading it.