2016

My New Year’s resolutions at the beginning of 2015:

Lose weight and get into better shape.

Write my fourth novel.

I had partial success on both counts.

In May, I bought a Kindle Fire. Amazon let me buy it on installments. I listen to audio books and lecture series while walking here in my apartment, going back and forth between the kitchen and the front door. By the end of summer, I was doing that for an hour and a half a day. I lost 40 pounds, too.

I outlined my novel and began writing it, but there’s still a lot of work to be done.

My goals for 2016:

I want to weigh less than 200 pounds by the start of 2017.

I want to finish the novel and get it published.

I have decided that if I fail to lose much weight this year, I’m going to seriously consider weight loss surgery in 2017. If I’m still a candidate for the surgery, that is. (If I’m close to 200 pounds by then, I probably wouldn’t be eligible.)

I’ve looked into it, and my insurance will most likely cover the cost because there are significant health benefits to weight loss surgery. Most, but not all, lose at least half of their excess weight. Many get pretty close to their ideal body weight. The surgeries have been greatly improved over the years, and they are now minimally invasive procedures. The risk for complications is there, but it’s not high. And the weight loss significantly reduces your risk of heart disease and diabetes. There’s also less of a chance that you’ll need hips and knees replaced.

I’ve been listening to testimonials on YouTube, and what impresses me is the sharp reduction in hunger pangs. One woman said she could eat all the time and never feel full, but after the surgery, she knew what it was like to be satisfied for the first time. She still enjoyed her food, but she didn’t want any more after a few bites.

There is a clinic in Modesto, and the surgeries are performed as a matter of routine in a hospital up there. Given that I don’t drive and that I have extreme social phobia, going back and forth might be an ordeal. You have to go for screenings, consultations and tests before the surgery, and there would be follow-up visits after. Amtrak and local bus services here in Merced and in Modesto could provide a way for me to get up there and come back in the same day for under $30 a visit. (Modesto is pretty close to Merced.)

After my head surgeries, the thought of more surgery and another hospital stay is frightening. But then again, if there are no complications, the weight loss surgery would be much less of an ordeal. If I can stand being put under for 15 hours and having two surgical teams working in shifts to get to the center of my brain so they can pick apart a tumor stuck to my brain stem, what’s a little weight loss surgery? I’ve also had hernia surgery and dealt with my penis and balls being so bruised they were literally black and blue for nearly a month.

Another goal is to continue to be the same unashamedly queer old boy I am now. A hundred trolls can report the photos I share of various models by various photographers celebrating the beauty of the male form, and Facebook might get tired of it and suspend my account, but I’m not going to let them stop me from appreciating beauty.

I would also like to become a pretty good photographer this year. A dear friend was kind enough to give me a Nikon D3300 for Christmas. It is my first DSLR camera. Up until now, I’ve only had relatively inexpensive point and shoot cameras.

So there you have it. Write my novel. Lose more weight. Get into better shape. Learn to take quality photos. And don’t let those who would shame me have their way.

Once I get my weight down—on my own this year or with the help of surgery next—it will be time for me to look seriously into ways to move out of Merced. That will be a goal in the not too distant future.

Hope wonderful things are in store for all of you in 2016.