Attraction

I’ve never been the boy everyone wanted to be with except for maybe five minutes back in the mid-‘80s, and even then not so much. Sadly, I was way too shy, frightened and awkward to truly enjoy it or take advantage of it at the time.

I’ve always been attracted to sweet, small, slim, twinkish young men. (Big muscles, lots of body hair and hyper-masculinity are generally not my things.) When I was young, I thought this meant that I should be sweet, small, slim and twinkish myself. I felt awful about myself because I didn’t look like the boys I wanted. I was even too awkward, scared and defensive to be sweet around most people. I’ve since learned you don’t have to be the man of your dreams. You can be you, and he can be who he is.

I’ve noticed that no matter if you’re generally thought of as hot or not, if you’re charming and outgoing or if you’re doggedly persistent and willing to deal with a lot of rejection, you’ll probably get around. Sadly, I’m none of those things. I’m not outgoing. I’m usually too shy to be charming. And if I feel rejected, I’ll climb into my hole and stay there for about a year, so I never make overtures.

I enjoy my attractions and feelings, and I always have. From the moment I first started noticing my sexual attractions, I have relished them. Looking at men and feeling the attraction and dreaming are joys in themselves. The feelings don’t have to be reciprocated for me to appreciate them. And I don’t expect them to be reciprocated.

I never take pride in my attractions. I never give myself points for being attracted to the “right” man. I never think of myself as noble because I would date, have sex with or marry someone others find ugly because he supposedly has a good heart or has a good character. Of course, I want to be around men who are nice and treat me well and not just those who I find attractive. But my attractions are my attractions. They are what they are. I don’t choose to be attracted to particular men any more than I choose to be gay. It’s just the way I am. And I think it’s just the way everyone is.

I don’t think anyone owes me love or sex. I don’t think it’s right of me to expect or demand that of others any more than I think it would be right for them to expect or demand that of me.

It’s wonderful when two people meet and discover they have a mutual attraction and that they are compatible. Those who find that are lucky, but it doesn’t happen to everyone. And that’s just life.

It’s fine with me if people have their preferences and their types. After all, I have mine. What bothers me is when others think my tastes should be the same as theirs, or when they’re rude and nasty about who they don’t like as if the worth of others is measured by how attracted they are to them. If you’re not into someone, fine, but you don’t have to be mean about it.