Hope

It got to me a little bit when Bill Clinton, who is looking a bit frail and whose hands shake a bit, spoke about those of us who have more yesterdays than tomorrows at the convention. Bill Clinton was the first president I ever voted for.

I was old enough to vote in 1984, but I didn’t feel confident enough to make a decision. Of course, I now regret not taking the opportunity to vote against Ronald Reagan. It wouldn’t have made any difference, but at least I would have that satisfaction.  However, I was a young whippersnapper, and I knew it.

In 1988, I was deeply depressed. I had recently spent time in a psychiatric hospital and decided to take a break from college. I lived in the D.C. area for a few months with my aunt and uncle and worked in a gourmet food store near DuPont Circle. It was quite an experience, and one of the highlights was the morning I was waiting on a train, and about ten young men ran through the station putting stickers on everything. I was stunned, and within seconds they were gone again. When I got up and had a closer look at one of the stickers, I saw that it read “Silence = Death.” I wished I had their energy and courage, but like most seriously depressed people, doing even simple things was a struggle, and I soon accepted the fact that I just wasn’t up to life in D.C. and returned to my parent’s house in West Virginia.

When 1992 came around, I was finally ready, and I was quite optimistic and hopeful about Clinton. He promised to push for AIDS research and treatment, and he promised to allow gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military.

Well, as we all know, his presidency was a mixed bag for those of us who live on the margins. …DOMA, DADT, welfare “reform.” Bill was quite a wild ride, and because of him, I learned not to be too idealistic about politics or to give my heart to politicians.

But I understand what he means when he says those of us who are getting older want to keep working for a better tomorrow even if we’re not necessarily going to be around. I was in my twenties when I voted for Bill Clinton. I was still hoping for great things for myself, and I was still young enough to imagine the world could be a place where everybody got along. By the time Bill left office, I knew the difference between fantasy and reality, but I have to admit, the ’90s were a lot better than the ’80s, especially for LGBTs despite DOMA and DADT. And Bill was a hell of a lot better than Bush. Many talked about “Clinton fatigue” in the late ’90s, even many of his supporters. That sure as hell evaporated fast after W moved into the White House. Maybe Hillary doesn’t inspire many to imagine we’re on the cusp of a wonderful new age, and maybe that’s for the best. But maybe she will make things just a little bit better, and if not for us, then maybe for someone down the road. I’m absolutely certain that her leadership would be a damn sight better than that strange orange person’s.