Natural Disaster

I’m sure that in the event of a natural disaster, Emperor Trump will take decisive action. He will undoubtedly log onto Twitter within hours or days and pummel the hurricane, earthquake, flood or whatever with petulant comments and add insults directed at its mother. Following that, he’ll hold a press conference and reassure the victims with tales of the massive crowds that attended his inauguration. He will tell them that he supports them bigly, even the haters who voted against him, but he’ll admit they’re losers and that he really likes those who avoid natural disasters. However, because he is so generous, via executive order, he will instruct the Department of the Interior to construct a giant sculpture of his face on the side of a nearby mountain overlooking the destruction so as to give aid and comfort to the little people as they rebuilt. 25% of the survivors will crawl out from under the rubble and applaud.