Life Preserver

A little dream came to me earlier. I was thinking that if I ever won the lottery or if someone left me a significant amount of money, it might be cool if I used it to open a small boarding school for wallflowers. It’s a pipedream I know, but I thought I would share it with you anyway because I think extreme social anxiety is a huge problem for those of us who experience it regularly.

We often use the word “shy” to describe those who have a hard time interacting with others and making friends, but that’s a rather weak word for someone who has been struggling for years. And it almost always starts in childhood, doesn’t it? Some kids don’t mix with the other kids. They pull away. They look down at their feet. They physically remove themselves from the group whenever they get the chance. I don’t think we take that as seriously as we should. We recognize that certain problems and disorders can limit a young person’s opportunities in life, but more often than not, we tell “shy” kids they should just get over it. There’s also the assumption that they’ll “grow out of it.”

The trouble is, many of them can’t simply get over it, and many don’t grow out of it, and I suspect that those kids are much more susceptible to depression and more likely to be suicidal. Social isolation is excruciatingly painful. I also think that many intensely shy kids never reach their full potential as adults. So much of success depends on our ability to schmooze. Intelligence, education and skill can only get you so far. At some point, you have to communicate, and if this is something that’s dreadful and excruciating for you, you’re in trouble.

Maybe experts could create a curriculum specifically designed to help young wallflowers overcome their anxiety. Maybe they could undergo intensive therapy while in school, too. I think it would be best if this special school was a boarding school because the world tends to be frightening to socially awkward people, and one of the reasons is because few understand what they’re going through. Their awareness of how over the top their reactions to ordinary situations are serves to make them feel all the more freakish. But what if they were surrounded by peers who had the same affliction? What if the staff of the school were specially trained to understand?

I also think a boarding school might help because there is often something about the environment of socially awkward youth that is exacerbating the problem. I know that was true in my case.

I felt like I was in danger so much of the time, and I didn’t feel like I could truly open up to anyone. I didn’t trust others, and I didn’t trust myself. I was always thinking that I would say or do the wrong thing. Everything seemed dangerous except solitude. I think the prolonged experience wore a grove in my brain, and even now when I try to push myself too hard by doing the things others do all the time, I become emotionally unstable.

I know there are many young people who are experiencing the same difficulties I did, and I know many of them will lead lonely lives. Many will end up poor. Some may eventually have to apply for disability. I wish there was a way to throw at least some of them a life preserver and save them from all of that.