I had a crush on both of these guys back in the 80's. There were guys who I thought were sexy and hot, like Tom Cruise and Matt Dillon, but then there was this group of guys who never quite made it as sex symbols--Jonathan Silverman, Andrew McCarthy, C. Thomas Howell, Ralph Macchio, Patrick Dempsey... (I guess Patrick became something of a sex symbol when he got older.) They were all boyishly cute, not very imposing or traditionally masculine. There was something soft and gentle about them, and I adored them. The guys who were generally thought of as hunks never seemed quite real to me, but I could picture myself spending time with these cute, sweet boys, and I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I imagined finding a boy like this and spending my life with him. That didn't happen, and I think that's mainly because I was too screwed up to really know what I wanted, and I also didn't believe in myself. I didn't think anyone would want me, least of all someone I thought was cute and sweet.
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