Second Stonewall

Back when I was in high school, I saw The World According To Garp on HBO. In fact I saw it a number of times. I kept watching it every time I’d come across it. I couldn’t get enough of it. It may have been that locker room scene early in the film that drew me in. Seeing the naked butts of all those athletic young men really fired up my teenage libido. (Still does, actually.) Then the coach came in and said, “Gay wrestlers, no beating the meat before the meet,” or something like that. His casual reference to both homosexuality and masturbation got my attention. And then there was that boy Garp talked to, that dreamy, dark-haired boy with the soft, sweet voice… We only caught a glimpse of him, and he spoke only a few words, but that was enough for me; I was in love.

The story seemed quite epic because we were introduced to Garp as an infant, we watched him grow up, we watched him fall in love, get married, start a family, and then we saw him die. I was fascinated by every minute of it, and so much of the story dealt with outsiders and people who didn’t quite fit in--I could relate--but it was the way Garp died that seemed especially poignant to me. Through a series of coincidences and random events, Garp became the enemy in the eyes of a woman he grew up with, Pooh. Garp had no idea that Pooh hated him so much. He, in fact, had done nothing to deliberately incur Pooh’s violent hostility, and he seemed utterly bewildered when she shot him.

The story made it clear to me that if you stand up in this world, you’re going to make enemies...no matter if you intend to or not, and no matter if you like it or not. And sometimes those enemies will do you in. Life is an adventure, a marvelous mystery, but it’s not always fair. You don’t always get what you deserve, or what you expect, or what you hoped for or planned for.

Garp has been on my mind a lot lately. I thought of him when North Carolinians passed an anti-gay amendment to their state constitution. I thought of him when I learned that a pastor advocated the physical abuse of toddlers who don’t conform to gender expectations. I thought of him when another pastor advocated that people like me should be put in death camps, and another said he thought the government should kill us, and another admitted he would like us all to be dead. I also thought of Garp when I learned politically well connected Tony Perkins--who, despite being president of a hate group, is regularly invited to share his bigoted opinions about us by major news outlets--gave an award to still yet another hateful pastor who compared us to murderers and called us maggots. Perkins gave the man an award…an award.

I’ve known for a very long time people hate us, so I wasn’t shocked when I found out Matthew Shepard had been murdered by homophobic thugs. Saddened, yes. Of course I was saddened, heartbroken even, but not shocked. I was, however, shocked when his funeral was picketed. I’d never heard of anyone picketing a funeral, least of all someone who claims to be a minister. And I found it especially troubling when so few Christians spoke out against it. In fact many began using Fred Phelps’ outrageous stunts to claim their own homophobic rhetoric is moderate. Now more Christian ministers are catching up with Phelps, and even though we have seen some protests, it’s hardly commensurate with the level of hate being directed at us. And one of the offending pastors actually got an award. How insane is that?

Yes, I know that we’ve gotten some good news lately: President Obama declared he supports marriage equality--but he stopped short of stating he believes we have a constitutional right to marry--the Ninth Circuit refused an en banc reconsideration of their Prop 8 ruling, and DOMA was declared to be unconstitutional. But all that good news is more of an unfulfilled promise than something we actually have in our hands. What if Mitt Romney is our next president? What if the Supreme Court decides against us? What if all we’re left with is one major political party that gives us lukewarm support, another that deliberately works against us, and the well organized, well funded homophobic Christianist hate machine?

The recent CNN/ORC poll that shows 34% of Americans still believe that homosexuals can change their orientation is very troubling because that number has been fairly steady for five years. I believe that most of the people in this intransigent camp are religious extremists, and they simply aren’t interested in the truth. We have made great strides in the last 40 years, but it seems the majority still aren’t prepared to stand up and fight for us. And the opposition… They’re led by people who claim we’re sex maniacs who want to turn kids gay, and that we’re incapable of love, that we lead lives of depravity and that we die before we reach middle age. They claim we’re out to destroy the family and the country and that God will punish America if LGBT people are treated with anything other than disdain. That was the message of Billy Graham’s daughter, Anne Graham Lotz, to North Carolina last month when they voted on their hate the gays constitutional amendment. She didn’t even offer an ounce of compassion or understanding for the LGBT citizens of her state. She talked about us as if we were totally other, not even human, and it seemed she hoped the amendment would get rid of us like a great big gay bug bomb. She warned that God may stop blessing North Carolina and America if the voters didn’t set off that bomb. And she is none other than the daughter of the most famous Christian pastor in America.

I know that young people are far less likely to go along with the homophobia of their elders, but somehow I doubt we can count on all of them. I suspect a large percentage--maybe not the majority, but a sizable number--will adopt the irrational fears and hatred that have been pushed on them all of their lives. I suspect that these young people will eventually take the helm of the homophobic Christianist hate machine and soldier on. So what if we’ve hit a stone wall? What if reason and compassion and our shared humanity have taken us just about as far as they’re going to take us?

We have seen a certain pattern in Western Civilization. From the beginning extremists have persecuted demonized minorities while most have stood by and done nothing: the killing of the so-called heretics, the Crusades, the Inquisition, the burning of women accused of being witches, the subjugation of women, slavery, the Holocaust, the oppression of sexual minorities…  So I’m afraid the excessive irrational loathing of LGBT people is something that could, if we’re not very careful, progress toward wholesale slaughter. It’s happened before. It’s likely to happen again. And I don’t want to be among the next group who is slated for extermination.

Despite all the warning signs and the bloody history of our species, it seems many don’t want to take the extremists who are against us seriously. I hear a lot of comments about how it’s only a matter of time before we achieve equality, and how eventually all the haters will take a dirt nap and that’ll be the end of the culture wars. But bigotry has a way of sustaining itself, and since we’re always going to be in the minority, our rights and wellbeing probably will never be a priority in our society.

As most of my friends know, I have severe social phobia, and a great deal of it is rooted in the homophobia I’ve encountered. I’ve never been quite sure of who I could count on, and it has just been easier to retreat than to face possible abuse and rejection. But I’m older now, and I know I’m not going to be around forever. So in my own quiet way, I want to stand up for myself and people like me. I can’t wait for the world to grow up. And if some crazy person comes along and blows me away, then so be it. If I never speak out, then the crazies will have won anyway.

By and large, LGBT people are good and decent people. We do not deserve to be treated like second class citizens. We shouldn’t have to plead and beg fellow Americans for our rights, even if we’re never any more popular than we are right now, or even if we’re never better understood than we are right now. It is in America’s best interest to give us our due because the people who would deny us would deny just about anybody if the notion came to them.  No one can count on their compassion and rationality. They’re prepared to hold onto their fears and misconceptions no matter what anyone says. They define themselves by those they hate, and they call it their religion. Standing up to them for ourselves is to stand for a principle that will drive humanity forward.  We are worth it.  LGBT people are worth it.  The whole of humanity is worth it.  We all deserve to live in a society founded on mutual respect as apposed to fear and ignorance.