Newsflash from the 30th century: There is life and sex after death, scientists say

Thanks to a number of breakthroughs in the last ten centuries, scientists are now sure that our consciousness survives death and that we live on in a kind of perpetual lucid dream state. They say that since all conflict has been resolved, the dead create for themselves an ever changing world that they find blissful and exhilarating. They claim the dead visit one another in their dreams and that death is not lonely. They also claim that the dead experience vivid wet dreams that reflect their wildest fantasies.

After death, you might hike in the Alps in the morning, spend your afternoon sunbathing on a Caribbean beach with your best friend from grade school, dine with your favorite aunt in a Parisian restaurant, and share your evening with an adoring and attentive young man who looks remarkably like Taylor Lautner in a remote cabin in the Berkshires.